This site is dedicated to all those Barry boys who think that superglue and some over-sized airfix kit turns an Escort 1.3 into a Performance Car. If you're brave enough to put pictures of your car on the internet, then you're brave enough to stand up here and be counted.
We'll find you....You're all morons !!
CLICK HERE to visit the forum
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Hi I'm Mr
Original. I'm the first person to put a bodykit on a Ford Escort. No
one has ever seen anything like this. Before I put the kit on the
car it was a £450 car from a scrapyard. Now it just looks like I
live in Essex and park in McDonalds all night.
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Let me introduce "don't tell my mum I've fucked up her car". I'm told that this is a Nissan Micra 1.3S.Not sure what the 'S' stands for but my guess is that it rhymes with "kite". The wheels set it off for me... gold goes so well with red...makes it look like a Nissan Micra Impreza don't you think???..... you don't ??? |
This rear
spoiler is great cos we all know that the study of aerodynamics has
shown that the air will flow over the bonnet, over the roof and then
it will duck down and tuck over this spoiler creating greater
downforce. This is especially useful when performing difficult
parking manoeuvres in Tesco - almost impossible without said
spoiler.
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What I
like about this car most is the badge on the front which suggests
its a super car. The stupid twat who owns the car should keep the
bonnet shut cos I've seen bigger beefier motors in battery powered
wheelchairs. Nice one - that must really show everyone who's the
boss at the traffic lights - especially with that chrome thing
wrapped around the engine.
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Here's
another example of someone's Mum's car turned into super powered
street machine. The front bumper looks like a snow plough and is
guaranteed to slow down the car with the extra drag it creates. The
nice low splitter means its now impossible to take this car through
the majority of town centres or multi-storey car parks. This is good
news for us 'normal' human beings - thankfully the owner of this
piece of shit can't pester us too much.
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Ahh this
is one of my favourites. Not a lot of people know that the Vauxhall
Nova is the fastest car you can get for under £23,000. This example
would have cost the owner about £175 from a scrapper but is now all
the better for having twin lights adding, crap wheels and all the
tell-tale badges removing. Don't be surprised if you see this
fire-breathing monster out-pace your BMW M3 on the M1 at the
weekend. You thought that a 1.0 litre Nova only produced 55 BHP but
you were wrong - adding all this body styling pushes this up to an
amazing 375 BHP. Scary stuff indeed.
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Because no
one in their right mind would want to steal this car, the owner of
this classic piece of automotive history has installed £60,000 worth
of stereo equipment in the back and left his boot open. Any normal
person would have spent the money buying a decent car rather than
pratting about with a 14 yr old rusty Vauxhall.
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Ten years
ago this BMW sat in a posh office car park, the pride and joy of a
company director. Since then a lot has happened to it. Some spotty
twat has bought it and then forgotten to mask over the headlights
and number plate when he resprayed it. Moral of the story: Never let
Stevie Wonder spray your motor.
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Ahh.....another
Vauxhall Nova. Not seen one of these before. Like I said before, the
Nova is the fastest ever production road car so I can see why the
two lanky twats here were so keen to show it off. Once again we have
that totally impractical front bumper than makes even the slightest
bump in the road become a chiselling exercise. The single wiper
conversion is great because it parks in the middle thus making it
harder to see out of the windscreen - excellent !
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Ahh....here's the inside view of that lovely Nova. You may notice the LCD television screen. These cost about £1,100 and are a much wiser investment than buying a proper fucking car. To make the 1980s plastic dashboard look even more crap, the owner has decided to paint the heater controls silver. This looks tacky now, but just you wait until it starts to peel off - it will look even more shite. |
Ahh.... another Escort. All together now...."E S S E X". |
Apparently
you can't buy BMWs in "Barbie Pink". I don't know why cos I think it
looks rather fetching, don't you? I guess its a little more discrete
than getting a sign writer to write "I am a poof" on the side of your
16 year old BMW......
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Ok, I'll
be honest, there's not a lot wrong with this car apart from the
colour (same as rust) and the fact it runs on diesel (that stuff
tractors run on....you know the stuff!). I work with the owner of
this vehicle and he said that because I've got smaller wheels on my
car, that I've got a smaller manhood. This isn't a very clever thing
to say to the webmaster of two "Name and Shame" web sites.
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I would
like to point out that he might have big 17" wheels on his tractor
engined rust coloured French piece of toss but the 5 spoke rims just
serve to show off those shitty drum brakes on the rear. For those of
you who don't know what drum brakes are, they're the things they fit
to slow cars and dolls' prams. Proper cars use disc brakes all
round. Jamie is keen to point out that his drum brakes enable him to
do better handbrake turns than someone with discs..... ok.... hands
up who's jealous......I said hands up..... hello?.... hello?? Ahh
never mind......
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Thanks to
James Wheatley for these Rover pics. I think we all agree that the
wank stain 'trevved' up this car has no idea about good taste or
practicality. When he resprayed the black plastic trim on the bumper
he has clearly over sprayed onto the headlights. This tosses up his
night vision but "looks cool" I'm sure he says. Someone needs to
tell him that Rovers are for grandads who smell of wee and have
tartan quilts on their parcel shelves.
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| I was spot on with the grandad comments if you read the number plate "Pop". I am still trying to work out why someone has taken a jigsaw to the bonnet and cut some air vents. I can only assume its to let rainwater into the engine bay and help rust the car away quicker. Apparently the Mynheer front splitter doesn't just make the car look shite and slow it down, its supposed to make you look more of a man. Sorry did I say man? I meant 17 yr old. My mistake. |
Now
I don't know whether the photos were taken with a cheap camera or
if this car really is purple. Purple is for girls. Everyone knows
that. Apparently its not for girls because I'm told the spec of the
car also includes: M3 side skirts (can't afford the BMW to go with it
then mate??), BSA 18" wheels (even more room to view the drum brakes
perhaps?) Oh... lets not forget the spoiler. It's an "evo" spoiler
apparently. That means it was fitted with 'evostick' adhesive cos
the moron who owns the car doesn't have a drill and screwdriver.
"Spoiler" sounds about right.... it's certainly not an "improver".
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This is what happens when daddy buys his spoilt 19 yr old son a sports car for xmas. The Lotus Elise is one of the best handling sports cars that money can buy - designed by a company famed for its racing pedigree. However, the owner of this car obviously thinks that a few bits of meccano and a rivet gun can improve the car further. We have grown to expect this childish behaviour from Vauxhall Nova drivers, however these two photos show that combining a sports car, a spotty teenager and recreational drug use does not provide a winning formula. |
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One word -
sounds like "anchor".
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Have you
got a modified car that you'd like us to RATE on this site? Perhaps you
know someone who has a modified car and you think it looks gay? Don't
keep the photos to yourself, let the world see what a mess they've made
of their car!!! |
